Being Known Podcast

S11E14: Tears in the Fabric: Jesus, Social Rupture, and the Call to Repair

What happens when the fabric of our shared life begins to unravel — not just politically or culturally, but spiritually and relationally? In this episode, we explore the quiet violence of our age: the kind that doesn’t wield weapons but erodes connection through shame, contempt, and indifference. From echo chambers to avoidance, we examine how disconnection shapes our communities, our faith, and even our inner lives.

Drawing from both Scripture and neuroscience, we unpack the psychological comfort of sameness — and how it ultimately deepens our fear and fragmentation. We reflect on how Jesus calls us into a radically different way of being: one rooted in reconciliation, presence, and courageous vulnerability. This isn’t a conversation about agreement. It’s about relationship. Not about tolerance, but about intimacy — the kind that invites us to engage across divides with humility and curiosity.

 

Through honest stories, biblical insight, and compassionate reflection, we consider what it means to show up — truly show up — with those who see the world differently. And we name the cost of that kind of presence: the risk, the grief, the courage it takes to hold tension and move toward fracture lines rather than away from them.

 

If you’re longing for connection but feeling the ache of division, this episode is an invitation — to pick up a needle and thread, to mend what’s been torn, and to begin again with a risky conversation, a porch sit, and the commitment to see the person in front of you as more than just the opinion they hold.

 

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S11E13: Unseen Structures: Caste, Power, and Healing the Fractures Beneath Our Feet

We often shy away from conversations about race, caste, and power because of discomfort or fear of making mistakes—but this episode is an invitation to get in the game. Join us as we step into the complex and often unseen world of caste systems--which are more than race alone--as they manifest within American culture, exploring how deeply entrenched social structures and inherited hierarchies shape our interactions, identities, and sense of belonging.

 

Building on themes from our previous conversation about church wounding, we draw from poignant personal experience, historical context, and biblical reflection to invite listeners into a posture of curiosity and compassion. Rather than offering easy solutions, this conversation encourages each of us to examine where we are in the social power gradient and what it means to steward that position with intentionality and humility. It’s the beginning of the slow, sacred work of repair—relationally and structurally—so we can become the kind of people, and the kind of community, who create beauty and goodness together.

 

 

Episode Links and References

• Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents - Isabel Wilkerson
• Reparations: A Christian Call for Repentance and Repair - Duke Kwon and Gregory Thompson
• Be the Bridge: Pursuing God's Heart for Racial Reconciliation - Latasha Morrison

 

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S11E12: From Eden to the Church: Healing Rupture in Faith Communities

In this episode, we trace the journey of repair from the biblical story of Eden to the present-day church. We begin by looking at the rupture in Eden, the first human failure, which sets the stage for the entire narrative of repair in the Bible. The church, we argue, serves as the modern-day extension of God's original plan for renewal, where heaven and earth collide, and where God's work of restoration continues. Yet, this place of healing is also where significant ruptures can occur, often leaving members hurt and disillusioned.

 

The conversation highlights the delicate balance between idealism and realism when it comes to the church's role in repairing relational fractures. The church, like any human system, is not immune to dysfunction, but it is also the place where God's mission of restoration is most powerfully present. We discuss how leaders in the church must navigate the complexities of repair, creating spaces of safety and vulnerability while also confronting their own wounds. This episode offers listeners a deeper understanding of how spiritual growth and relational healing are inextricably linked, both for individuals and the community as a whole.

 

 

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Episode Links and References

• When Narcissism Comes to Church - Chuck DeGroat
• When the Church Harms People - Diane Langberg
• Redeeming Power: Understanding Power and Abuse in the Church - Diane Langberg
• Matthew 18:15-17
• John 16:33

 

Artistic Offerings to Reflect On

• The Incredulity of Saint Thomas - painting by Caravaggio
• St. Matthew Passion (BWV 244) by Johann Sebastian Bach

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S11E11: Created for Connection: The Communal Nature of Healing

What does it mean to be human in a world where disconnection is not only common, but often woven into the very systems we live in? This episode opens the first of two episodes on rupture and repair in community, drawing deeply from Christian theology, neuroscience, and lived pastoral experience.

 

Grounded in the biblical assertion that we are made in the image of a communal God, the conversation reframes human identity as inherently relational—our sense of self does not exist in isolation but is shaped through connection with others. Through the lens of Genesis and the teachings of Jesus, brokenness is not treated as an individual shortcoming but as a shared human condition, one that requires collective healing and compassionate presence.

 

As the episode unfolds, it becomes clear that rupture—whether it shows up as conflict, trauma, or disconnection—is rarely contained to one moment or one relationship. Instead, it reverberates across families, institutions, and even digital spaces, often echoing through generations. With vivid stories from clinical settings and systemic reflections on cultural and organizational life, the conversation exposes how unresolved pain becomes embedded in the structures around us.

 

The episode also introduces a powerful theological and scientific counterpoint: healing, like trauma, is not confined. Drawing on the idea of "quantum relationality," the discussion explores how repair—when undertaken with intention, humility, and community—can ripple outward to transform entire environments. Whether in a parent-child bond, a broken workplace culture, or a fragmented congregation, the episode illustrates how repair work, especially when modeled on the loving, non-anxious presence of the Trinity, has the potential to restore what was lost. This episode sets the stage for episode 12, which will dive deeper into the Church’s unique role in this sacred, systemic work of repair.

 

Episode Links and References

• When Narcissism Comes to Church - Chuck DeGroat
• It Didn't Start with You - Mark Wolynn
• Mindset: The New Science of Personal Transformation - Dan Siegel

 

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S11E10: Mastering the Art of Repair: Harnessing Timing, Tempo, and Time (Part 2)

This week is part 2 of our series on Timing, Tempo, and Time where we step into the nuanced terrain of what it actually takes to begin the work of repair. Whether we're the ones who caused harm, were impacted by it, or are caught in a mutual fracture, repair requires initiative—and initiative often requires courage.

 

We explore how clarity about our role, our responsibility, and our relational context shapes how we move first (or why we hesitate to). But repair isn’t just about the decision to start—it’s also about the pace we keep. Some fractures can begin mending in a single moment; others need months of faithful return.

 

This episode invites us to consider the rhythm of healing, the emotional resistance that can surface, and why repair is not a performance to rush but a process to honor. When we learn to initiate repair at a sustainable tempo, we become people who actively resist disintegration—and participate in the restoration of what’s been broken.

 

Episode Links and References

• Genesis 3:15 – The first mention of God's promise to repair rupture.
• The Soul of Shame - Curt Thompson, MD
• The Wounded Heart - Dan Allender
• The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel van der Kolk
• After the Affair - Janis Spring

 

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S11E9: Mastering the Art of Repair: Harnessing Timing, Tempo, and Time (Part 1)

In this episode, Curt and Pepper dive deep into the crucial first steps of becoming effective repairers in times of relational rupture. We begin with Genesis 3:15 and explore how we can anticipate, prepare, and engage in repair work before the storm hits. It's not about reacting to conflict—it's about preparing in advance to become proactive, mindful, and compassionate repairers of relationships. Through this reflective practice, we explore the timing, tempo, and deep awareness required to anticipate future ruptures with empathy and intention. This preemptive work is necessary to avoid reactive responses and instead cultivate intentional repair.

 

In the first of this two-part series, the team shares insights into how spiritual practices, like meditation and prayer, can center us before a rupture occurs. They focus on the importance of anticipating moments of tension, embracing vulnerability, and reflecting on how our internal and external worlds influence our approach to conflict. With both empathy and practical tools for co-regulation, they guide us on how we can actively prepare to heal relational ruptures when they inevitably arise. Tune in and take the first step toward mastering the art of preemptive repair.

 

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Episode Links and References

• Genesis 3:15 – The first mention of God's promise to repair rupture.
• Deuteronomy – Mention of trust in God rather than in kings, horses, or chariots.
• Matthew 5:9 – "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God."
• Philippians 4:6-7 – Encouragement to meditate on things that are good, true, and beautiful.

 

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S11E8: Lost in Translation: When the Medium Distorts the Message

Healing is not just about what happens to us, but also about how we choose to communicate our experiences, both to ourselves and to others. The stories we tell ourselves—about past pain, trauma, or failures—are powerful, and they shape our reality. But have you ever considered how the way we communicate these stories to ourselves can affect our ability to heal? When we rely on certain mediums, like self-talk or journaling, the way we present the message to ourselves can either block or facilitate healing. By shifting our internal communication methods, we can alter the message and, consequently, the way we process our emotions and experiences.

 

In this episode, we explore the profound connection between the medium of communication and personal healing. Whether it’s through art, writing, meditation, or conversations with loved ones, the medium we use can impact how we perceive and internalize the messages we’re telling ourselves. How do we shift our narrative from one of pain and defeat to one of empowerment and resilience? By considering the ways different mediums influence the healing process, we can find new tools to transform the messages that hold us back. Tune in as we discuss how changing the medium can help rewrite the message of healing in our lives.

 

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Episode Links and References

• Exodus 24, 31-34
• Deuteronomy 9:9–19
• Psalm 106:19–23

 

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S11E7: From Creation to Collapse: Healing Toxic Ruptures Before They Devour You

Toxic ruptures don’t just happen in a single moment of conflict—they are built over time through miscommunication, emotional wounds, and the silent grip of shame. Whether it’s an argument that lingers long after words have been spoken, a past hurt that keeps replaying in our minds, or a pattern of avoidance that slowly erodes trust, these ruptures are reinforced by both our interactions and our inner world.

 

In this episode, we dive deep into how toxic ruptures are created, not just between people, but within our own brains. We’ll explore the neuroscience behind why conflict feels overwhelming, how our nervous system’s response can make repair more difficult, and why shame keeps us stuck in cycles of blame, avoidance, or emotional withdrawal. You’ll learn how unprocessed shame distorts our perception of others, fuels resentment, and makes us more likely to repeat the same destructive patterns in relationships.

 

Most importantly, we’ll uncover practical strategies to stop toxic ruptures before they spiral out of control. From rewiring our emotional responses and breaking free from rumination to approaching difficult conversations with presence and repair, this episode will help you shift from unconscious creation to intentional healing. If you’ve ever felt trapped in recurring conflict or emotional disconnection, this is your guide to understanding the deeper layers of toxic ruptures—and finally learning how to heal them.

 

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Episode Links and References

• Psalm 41:9
• The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis
• The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson, MD
• Alan Schore
• Dan Siegel - Flipping Your Lid

 

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S11E6: The Power of “No”: Brain Science, the Biblical Narrative, and Limit-Setting Ruptures

Saying "no" can feel uncomfortable, but it is a crucial part of growth, both for ourselves and in our relationships. In this episode, we explore the concept of limit-setting ruptures—those moments where boundaries create tension, discomfort, and even distance, but ultimately lead to maturity and deeper connection. Drawing from psychology, neuroscience, and biblical narratives, we discuss how setting limits helps shape our character, why it's necessary for personal and spiritual development, and how it teaches us emotional regulation. Whether you're a parent setting boundaries for your child, someone navigating addiction recovery, or simply trying to manage your daily commitments, this episode will provide insights into how embracing limits can lead to greater freedom and fulfillment.

 

We discuss how the brain undergoes "pruning" to refine skills, how children develop emotional regulation through parental boundaries, and how even Jesus modeled the power of necessary separations. We’ll also tackle the emotional impact of limit-setting, from the pain of telling a parent they can no longer drive to the discomfort of quitting unhealthy behaviors. If you want to learn how to set limits in a way that fosters growth, self-control, and deeper relationships, this episode is for you.

 

Episode Links and References

• Genesis (Adam and Eve) – The concept of rupture and repair is tied to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, their immaturity, the test they faced, and the consequences of their choices (Genesis 2–3).
• Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:6-7) – God telling Cain, “Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” This is presented as a test and a moment of rupture.
• Numbers 34 – God defining the boundaries of Israel, in contrast to empires that constantly expand their borders.
• John 16 – Jesus telling His disciples, "I must go," explaining that His departure is necessary for the arrival of the Holy Spirit.
• Interpersonal neurobiology – While not a scripture, this scientific concept is tied to biblical themes of growth, pruning, and discipline (which could be linked to passages like John 15:2, “Every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful”).

 

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S11E5: The Foundation of Resilience: How Small Disruptions Build Stronger Connections

Human connection is at the core of our well-being, but what happens in our brains when we bond, experience conflict, or work to repair a relationship? In this episode, Curt and Pepper unpack the fascinating neuroscience behind our need for connection, explaining how our brains are wired for relationships and why moments of rupture—whether small misunderstandings or significant emotional breaks—can feel so distressing.

 

By exploring the science of attachment, listeners will learn how early childhood experiences shape our ability to trust, communicate, and reconnect after conflict. Dr. Thompson dives into how relationships influence brain development, how unresolved ruptures can lead to long-term emotional patterns, and why the process of repair is essential for strengthening bonds. Whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or family dynamics, understanding this rhythm of disconnection and reconnection can help us navigate conflict with greater confidence, foster deeper emotional intimacy, and build lasting resilience.

 

Episode Links and References

• The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel
• Genesis 3 (discussing God walking in the Garden of Eden).

 

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